英文翻译求助——只请专家！！！

我从小就对企业管理和经商有浓厚的兴趣。对公司人力资源管理策略也很感兴趣。我曾经在选修课上和同学共同研究过发达国家的经济运行规律。我经常会关注某种商品的销售情况。此外，我还喜欢看介绍成功管理者经验的书籍。成为一名出色的MBA是我的梦想。
------我给你加了几句，变成了求职信的形式。

Dear sir.

I am writing to apply for a position as an MBA in your university.

I have been interested in enterprise management and business.As well as human resource management of company.I discussed about economic operating rules of developed countries'with my classmates on the selected course.I was frequently concerned about makerting information of some products.In addition,I enjoy reading some books on sucessful experience from some managers'.

To be an excellent MBA is my dream.I hope I will be favored with the interview.Thanks for your consideration.

Sincerely yours,
xxx

为了得分，我认真地作了如下翻译，这是数次修改版本：
Since childhood, I had shown the great interest in enterprise management and business, and in the companies human resources management strategy as well. I had ever studied the economic operation rule of the developed country with my classmate on the selected course, and I offen concern on the sales information of some commodities. Also, I'd like to read some books of introducing success experiences from the famous superintendent.

I am looking forward to becoming a excellent MBA, which is most important dream of my life.

I have a child to have a deep interest in enterprise management and business. Human resources management strategy for the company is also very interested. I have studied in elective and students developed the common law of the economy. I often concern the sale of certain commodities. Also, I would like to see the books on the experience of successful managers. As a distinguished MBA is my dream.
我觉得你还可以说你想成为一位成功的商人或者管理者,更好的突出你的梦想和追求。

I have been on the right management and a strong business interest. The company human resources management strategy is also very interested. I have in elective and students studied jointly developed the economic operation rules. I always will be interested in a certain commodity sales. Also, I would like to see the experience of successful managers of the books. Become an excellent MBA is my dream.

Since childhood, I had shown the great interest in enterprise management and business, and in the companies human resources management strategy as well. I had ever studied the economic operation rule of the developed country with my classmate on the selected course, and I offen concern on the sales information of some commodities. Also, I'd like to read some books of introducing success experiences from the famous superintendent. I am looking forward to becoming a excellent MBA, which is most important dream of my life.

如下：：

Since childhood ,I have been interested in management and business as well as human resources.I often discuss national economic rules with my classmates in class.I always keep an close eye on sales of certain commodities. Aside by ,I like reading books which introduce experience of the successful adnimistrators. I am dream for being a ourstanding MBA.