高手帮忙改下英语作文opinion paragraphs

2025-03-02 09:19:33

推荐回答（3个）

回答1：

Question: Should students be allowed to drive at the age of 15?

I do not agree with this proposal. Students at age fifteen are too impulsive to be a responsible driver. Plus, they usually can not afford cars themselves.(我个人认为第二点和论点完全没有关系，买不起车就不被允许开车，天下没这道理)

First, students at the age of 15 should not be allowed to drivebecause young people(老是用students一个词不好，还有，同样一句话就算要重复说，也要想办法换几个词，倒装一下语序) are too impulsive(最好不要用查字典的词，看起来有点突兀) to do make the（我觉得你最好去看一下the的用法） right choice（这句话没错，但是联系上下文我觉得你是想说年轻人太冲动，不能做正确的判断，所以有可能会去car racing，choice这个词在这里不合适，用judgement吧）. Teenagers enjoy racing(too judgemental, not every teenagers like driving and many adults enjoying racing too. 不如说Statistics show that a significant percentage of dangerous car racing is conducted by adolescents). It’s the way they show off their cars. However, they tend to forget that racing is very dangerous, especially in cities full of vehicles. These students, unlikely professional car racers, are very likely to cause car accidents and hurt other people and themselves(你怎么知道car accidents一定要hurt them “badly”?). Also, students at 15 are too young to follow every traffic regulations (again, too judgmental). The percentage of teenagers over speed and go in a wrong direction are very high (不好意思，这句话很不通，改了半天还是想把它去掉，反正前面也已经有类似的说法了). They bring unnecessary troubles to our society(“青少年给我们的社会带来不必要的麻烦，”这话听起来也很别扭，谁没有过年轻的时候呢？). Thus, driving at 15 is not supposed to be allowed because the students are too impetuous(not supposed to do=not allowed to，重复了，还有，这句话前面已经说过一遍了，重复不太好).

Secondly, I also believe students at 15 should not be allowed to drive because they can not afford cars. On （不要加the!）one hand, most(不要加the!) students at 15 and 16 do not have jobs or their jobs do not pay well. Therefore, they need to ask their parents for money to buy cars, which give more pressure to their parents （very wrong point，照这样说，teens 也不应该上学因为如果小孩上学的话也会给父母负担）. Also, car maintenance, repair, and gasoline all need large amount of money. It can be very hard for some families to take care of more than one car together. On the other had, some teenager may do crimes to make money in order to purchase cars. Their crimes can influence other people’s daily life. In short, students should not be allowed to drive at 15 because they are not be able to pay for the cars.（诶，同样一句话怎么又说了一遍）

Students at 15 still are not capable to drive because they are too hotheaded（别查字典）. Also, students at 15 are too young to afford cars by themselves.

几点建议：

1. the 的用法要请人好好教了。

2. 你的作文看得出来是用心写的，可是因为你的词汇量和用法是有限的（每个人都是有限的），偶尔用生僻的词反而很怪，就好像一个小学生作文里突然冒出个一般人都不认识的康熙字典的词一样。

3. 英语水平的提高是长期的任务，目前你有些地方还是可以快速改进的，比如对于论点的支持。你的第一个论据是对的，第二个论据就没有什么道理了，首先，正如我说，小孩子问父母要钱政府是无权干预的；其次，允许开车不一定要允许买车--很多小孩最开始都是用家里的车的。

下次写作文之前，可以先用中文写论据，比如青少年开车之所以不适合，可以是因为：1, compulsive driving; 2, lack of experience toward emergency （比如说车祸受伤以后不知如何处理）3, immature development （你可以说十五岁的时候有的小孩脑子还没发育好，身子还没长高呢）等等。

4. 绝不重复。就算论点一定要重复的也记得要改头换面。

5. 还有啊，你为什么每段话的结尾一定要加一句和最开始的一句话一摸一样的啊？看起来真别扭。英文作文里确实有一个ABA的写法，但是绝不是让你把一句话写两遍。

6. concise是最重要的，能用三个字说的不用四个字。

第一段改在里面了，第三段因为论据不对，你重写吧。第二段我整理了一下再扩展了一下贴在下面：

First, students at age of 15 should not be allowed to drive because young people tend to be too impulsive to make the right judgment. Statistics show that a significant percentage of dangerous car racing is conducted by adolescents. It’s the way they show off their cars. However, they tend to forget that racing is very dangerous, especially in cities full of vehicles. These students, unlikely professional car racers, are very likely to cause car accidents and hurt other people and themselves.

Also, students at age fifteen may be too young to realize the importance of traffic regulations. Sometimes they do dangerous things that the law forbids because they want to look "cool" among their peers.It takes time and life experience to understand that slowing down at an empty cross way is not silly, but necessary and even life-saving. Unfortunately, time and life experience are the very two factors that a teenager lacks. Additionally, the law in China generally exerts lighter punishment toward minor offenders, which may increase the ignorance of traffic rules among teenagers.

哦，想起来了，如果你重复那些话是为了凑字数的话，其实大可不必。最有效的扩张篇幅的方式是：举例子。

回答2：

I don't think students should be allowed to drive at the age of 15 because they are not only impulsive but they can not financially afford cars by themselves.

Firstly, young students are too impetuous to make right choice. Though teenagers love racing and showing off their cars to others, they don't realize that it is very dangerous to drive in cities full of vehicles. Usually students at the age of 15 are not professional car drivers, in most cases they are just the cause of car accidents. The young students will hurt other people and themselves badly. What's more, students at 15 are too young to follow traffic rules and regulations. The rate of over speed and driving in a wrong direction is high. They bring unnecessary troubles to our society.

Secondly, they can not financially afford cars. On the one hand, most of the students at 15 do not have full day jobs, or their part time jobs do not pay well either. Therefore, they need to ask their parents for money to buy cars, which give more pressure to families. And don't forget the car maintenance, repair, and gasoline, all of these cost quite a large amount of money. It can be very hard for lower-than-average families. On the other hand, some teenagers may do crimes to make money in order to purchase cars. Their crimes can damage the victims' life. In short, students should not be allowed to drive at 15 because they are not be able to pay for the cars.

Students at 15 still are not capable to drive and too young to afford cars by themselves. These give the reasons why they are not allowed to drive.

回答3：

你写的很好，我是个英语老师，要是我是你老师就给你个优

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