请英语高手帮我点评我的这篇英语四级作文（语法、用词或者其他）万分感谢

这篇文章读下来，虽然比较中式英语，但能明白想说什么，最主要是语法问题比较严重。光这些语法问题，若是评分，几乎扣下来就拿不到什么分数了，所以，请仔细检查。
1.每次涉及recreational activities这个词组时，请注意这是复数，所以句子的谓语应为复数，且即使后半句用代词代替，也应用复数。例如：第二段第一句There are many recreational activities in our life and it can make us so happy.前半句are是复数，后半句变成了单数it。这种错误几乎每句话都有，所以请仔细检查。代词的“他们自己”英语是"themselves"，这是一个单词，不是两个。
2.语法方面还有一个严重错误是有几句话没有谓语，就是没有一句话最基本的动词，没有动词就不成句子的，请注意。例如：第一段第一句different kinds of recreational activities around our life缺谓语，也就是没有动词。
3。部分表达单词的用法不太对。例如：People who always in work缺谓语,另外若指上班族用office worker就可以了。再例如：we must study to limit the play times这里的动词用learn，因study不能这么用。
4。句子结束请用句号句掉。例如：For my part,we shouldn't work、study or stay at home all the way,we must take part in recreational activities to make our body relax,for example,we can invite our friends to travel on weekend,I think it is very interesting.这是四句话，不是一句。But everything shouldn't do excessively,we must study to limit the play times.这是两句话，请断开或者在一句结束后加个and。

Nowadays,different kinds of recreational activities（） around our life .
少了动词are,加在around前
For example,watching TV,singing,dancing ,playing chess,traveling,surfing on the Internet and so on.
1、注意：用了for example就不能再用and so on

2、surf the Internet

There are many recreational activities in our life and it can make us so happy.
这句话重复了，可删除
People who always in work can take part in recreational activities to relax their self and people who stay at home all along can take part in it to enrich their life.
稍微改下，People who are always busy with their work can… to relax themselves(反身代词，注意了）and those who stay at home alone can also enjoy it to enrich their life.
But every coin has two sides,recreational activities is no exception and in another word ,it still has negative aspects.
可以稍微改下，But every coin has two sides,and recreational activities is no exception.后面的一些都删除。
To begin with ,the students who take part in many recreational activities may effect their study.
这里要表达的意思是太多，所以要用too many; 第二个，这句话语法严重错误，如果把修饰部分who take part in many recreational activities去掉，则句子就变成了the students may effect their study(学生影响他们的学习)，主谓不一致。所以后面可改为，may be disturbed.
And in addition ,many people can't limit the times in play and it will reduce the times of rest.
呵呵，这句话的确是中国式英语。可改为people who spend too much time in playing will have less time to rest.

For my part,we shouldn't work、study or stay at home all the way,we must take part in recreational activities to make our body relax,
适当修改：work,study or stay…… we should spare some time to enjoy ourself.
for example,we can invite our friends to travel on weekend,I think it is very interesting.
注意应该是travel with.
But everything shouldn't do excessively,we must study to limit the play times.
呵呵，we should make good use of time to learn as much as we can.
In a word,we should admit the advantages of recreational activities and also accept the disadvantages.
这里的and 应该可以换为but

仅个人意见，参考就行，呵呵！

我就不分析内容，帮你看看语法错误吧。。。

第一句different kinds of recreational activities around our life 没有动词啊。。。。汗。。。印象分倍减。。。

There are many recreational activities in our life and it can make us so happy 前面是activities后面是it。。。不一致

.People who always in work can take part in recreational activities to relax their self and people who stay at home all along can take part in it to enrich their life. at work .themselves. 前面是activities后面是it。。。又不一致

we shouldn't work、study or stay at home all the way,we must take part in recreational activities to make our body relax情态动词用的有问题

But every coin has two sides,recreational activities is no exception and in another word ,it still has negative aspects.本来不说内容的。。。但是。。。这句全是模板堆砌的。。。记住，一句话可以有模板，但必须要包含主题考官才可以忍受。。。要是一句话都你这样，考官直接认定你堆砌字数

the students who take part in many recreational activities may effect their stud 参加啊娱乐活动的学生会影响他们的学习？？？应该是学生参加（过多的）活动会影响学习吧。。。

many people can't limit the times in play and it will reduce the times of rest. 前半句太中国英语了，后面times 。。。怎么有s???

十五分的满分这个估计就只有六七分。。。小错误太多了

推荐你背一下星火英语的四级作文50篇吧。。。关键是背整体的行文结构，模板看一下即可