雅思大作文，跪求修改，帮我看看能打几分， 谢谢！

As time goes on, technology becomes an essential part in human’s【改成our或者people‘s吧人类什么的。。有点奇怪】 daily life. Airplane is one of the necessary tool【加s哦亲】 for travel【ing】, study【ing】 and visit【ing】 families. However, there are【is】 another group of public【that】 is【is换成does】 not comply with it, 【要么句号要么分号】they believe 【that the】environment is more important and airplane wastes resources and damages our living places.【不知道你要表达什么诶】

On one hand, increasly【没这词吧是想说增长迅速的吗】 amount of students are going to【to去掉】 overseas to improve their learning 【skills】and development【改成develop themselves】. Firstly, plane is the only resource to help them go on【去掉on】 aboard.【逗号which带的是分句不用另起】 Which is faster, safer and easier. In addition, there are many people’s【不要people’s了吧多余】 family members immigrate【immigrating】 to【去掉to】 overseas, so visit【ing】 them by air would be the only choice. For example, it only takes 11【写出来eleven像这种很短的数字不要用阿拉伯字数字代替】 hours from China to New Zealand. 【可变成分号然后接therefore，】Therefore, students can also go back to their country whenever they prefer.

On the other hand, a long journey costs thousands of 【thousands of liters of要有个单位吧】petrol, which means earth mother【mother earth这里直接the earth好了地球母亲。。感觉不太符合整篇文章的氛围。。】 has to provid lots of resources to satisfy human. It is not only give【giving】 more burdens to the ecology, but also the exhaust gas would occurs【cause】 environmental problem【s】 to【in】 the sky, such as acid rain. It is the revenge from nature.

Therefore, we may can【may和can选一个。。】 modify this phenomeno【这次用这里不合适吧。。一般指那种科学现象什么的】 by decrease【decreasing】 the chance of using airplane【s】 to travel, or even invent some different kind【s】 of environmentally【environmental】 friendly fuel for the plane. It is【does】 not only helped【help the】 environment, but also benefit our next generations【不要s】.

In the conclusion, plane is our compulsory tool for the【不要the】 business and study, but still we【we still】 can not【cannot】 just care only【just和only重复了】 for money and convince【convince？convenience【分号】look【ing】 forward to the further benefit would be more important.

怎么说呢我就改了一点语法没怎么注意你整体文章的构思和结构
句子上的错误确实蛮多啊有点影响阅读。。这样会让你本来精心构思的结构隐藏在语法错误背后了
句子之间的练习我也没有帮你改 有些句子之间的联系不大或者说缺少承接
你倒是背了点单词啊 但是语法还是要注意啊
我不晓得怎么评分的这个你还是去问问老师的好
总之- -有问题再说吧。。努力吧少年

还是花钱找人改吧
去新东方批改网 20块钱100字，老师都是外国人,会以外国人的思维去改,
页面很精美,质量很不错，除了批改打分，还有范文重写什么的