求高手语言组织英文翻译！跪谢！

你的中文邮件略显无力，其实如果催余款，无需如此客气，应该直截了当地说明，并可限定完成时间。不要用无棱两可的字眼“尽快”， “尽快”是无时限的。用电报文字形式的催付余款，可以是："YOUR ORDER ARE READY FOR SHIPMENT BY3/9, PLEASE CONFIRM BALANCE USD24920.00 BE T/T BEFORE (按你规定的时间）FOR IMMEDIATE SHIPMENT TO AVOID FURTHE STORAGE."
或可以有函件形式：
"PLEASE BE INFORMED THAT YOUR ORDER ARE READY FOR SHIPMENT BY 3/9, PLEASE CONFIRM FOR REMITTANCE OF THE BALANCE USD24920.00 FOR IMMEDIATE SHIPMENT TO RELEASE US FROM HEAVY STORAGE."
以上供互相学习，下面翻译不敢苟同。

Dear XXX,

Good day.

Your order was finished in Sep-3.

And you arrange the deposit USD 12500 to us. Cause our warehouse full of cargos, and hope you can arrange to the balance (USD 24920 ) to us to arrange to ship out the cargos.

Thank you.

Dear....

We have fully completed your order as requested and we have received the first part of payment of 12500RMB, but there is stilll 24920RMB which hasn't been paid. We would like to know when the outstanding amount can be cleared because our warehouse is nearly fully occupied and we'd like to deliver the order as soon as possible.

Kind Regards

.....

Hi