求高手帮我修改一下托福作文，刚学没几天。。。谢谢啦

p1,line2;make you succeed.
p1,line3:It gives you .
p2,line2:to do .
p2,l5:famous people.
p2,l7：thanks to归功于
p2,l7:thanks for those
p2,l8:这里的重复从句用得不好，易产生歧义，建议：
thanks to the enlightens and experiences came through these mistakes that led he invented light bulb at last
p3,l1:I agree ..
p3，2个设问句的表达建议全部修改，
What is lucky?Is it something gained without pain?Is it waiting of good fortune?
p3,l6:be gained (or earned) through ..
p4,l1: It’s the hard working but not luck ..
p4,ending sentence,
you can do nothing without great efforts .
其实还会很会写文章，只不过托福作文考试不同于雅思，它需要高于流利，熟练的一点，就是深刻。不妨再切入得深刻一些。
其次，请注意思维的切换，并且开始积累技巧。在这两个环节，从这篇文章爱看，基本有巨大提升空间的。
最后一点，请注意细节。细节可以把一个好考生完全拖下水。

When we were children we were told that
only hard working can make us to be succeed, It’s the basically and natural rule of human’s development. It give you experience, skills and enlighten something which is important for you to achieve your goals. Obviously, the harder you work the more opportunity you will get, the more lucky you will be. Just like a famous saying: “Opportunity favors only prepared mind.”

When we were born, we can do nothing. With
growing up we began to learn how to speaking, walking
and playing. Almost all the thing we have now just because of our efforts. Take
a baby for example, only through many falls can he know how to walk. Most of
famous person in history be succeed due to they concentrate themselves on
working. The famous scientist Edison, for example, have made one thousand
experiments, Unlucky he failed 999 times, thanks for these mistakes that gave
him some enlightens and experience that he invented light bulb at last.

Many people in history tried to work harder but at last they failed
because they were unlucky. However, What’s the luck? Is that you do nothing
just waiting a pie fall down from the sky? Like the famer seating beside the
tree to waiting a rabbit knocked and lucky to get it? Obviously not. In my
opinion, luck is a chance that only could be gotten by hard working. Like only
bought the lottery ticket that you can be lucky to get 5 million dollars. So if
you want to be more lucky, just working harder and harder.(需要例子)

It’s the hard working but luck that can
give you experience and opportunity to achieve your goals. To sum up, “No pains
will no gains”, you can do nothing unless you make great efforts in it.

建议不要以第二人称写完全文，可以的话最好再加一个论述段。
By Sofia.